you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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