also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
