I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Boobs are out for the taking
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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