please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
