I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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