and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
