Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
