I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
