I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
