I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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