my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
