If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize