My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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