turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize