my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
