Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
