This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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