They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
