my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
