im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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