i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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