so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
