Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
