I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
