someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
