worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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