ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
