He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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