So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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