Yo dont text me then not text me
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
