hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
