Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
