i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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