I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
