before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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