There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You were trust falling into bushes
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
