he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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