i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
