That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
