Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
