So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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