i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
