Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
