He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
