Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
