You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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