my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
