The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
