Dude my mom stole all your condoms
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize