i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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