she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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