Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
