In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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