apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
