if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
