she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
