I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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