last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
