You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
