Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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