We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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