i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize