FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
