I'm going to jail i love you
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
