This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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