I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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