Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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