My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
