I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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