Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
